Growing up my dad often would call someone a Zippy-pin-day-ho. Not sure how you would even spell it. Who knows if it is even a real word, but I definitely grabbed onto the same mentality. Basically it means incompetent or idiot. As I have been trying to work through my flaws- I am realizing I am just using it to make sure that the person who is making mistakes is separated from me, so I don’t have to be seen as the same ‘class’ as them. I have had so many breakthroughs and healing and SOZOs- but this one… I am struggling to let go.
You see I have been not only struggling to let this go, but it started affecting me a few months ago when I had started to truly believe this about someone to the point I had un-forgiveness toward them. It sounds weird and actually kind of mean. I know- time for more healing and becoming whole.
I had a forgiveness battle going on. I was feeling so self-righteous and I figured they didn’t deserve anything. I believed I deserved better. Have you ever wrote out your thought process- hearing it makes me sound so prideful (and a little full of myself)?
SO HERE IS WHAT I AM LEARNING ABOUT Forgiveness:
- It isn’t about deserving (from either side). You both deserved Hell- but He forgave.
- The more you hold onto something the more it eats you up (and most the time it does more harm to whatever situation than good).
- It makes sense I cannot hear God (much) while I am in times I am unwilling to forgive
- It is as if we are telling Him to come close but holding up a stop sign at the same time. We can’t get close to Him if we are denying to embrace a huge part of who He is. He forgave us and has given us more than enough. Can’t we trust him with our future- whatever the situation may be? The resentment we are partnering with does not care about us! HE deeply cares about our well-being. (By the way, He still can love you and hold you close in times of hurt. But I am starting to see that in his role as my Father, he wants me to grow to my full potential- which means maturing and becoming more like Him).
- Do you want to do more harm or invite peace into your life? The enemy often makes forgiveness seem so much scarier and built up than it is. I am always surprised after I walk through the forgiveness process how light it feels to let it go.
- Put your big girl pants on, realize you are also part of the problem, and just choose to do forgive already.
I say this only because I had to talk myself though this many times, until my mind was willing to say it- and my heart started to catch up. No, I am not an expert on this, but I am starting to realize that I want to be. I want to be like my Abba Father and He is the best forgiver. We humans get pretty caught up in looking out for ourselves and seeking the ‘right’ in a situation. What if we stopped worrying about how others saw us, how our futures will be affected, and started believing that God is good? If He is good than our futures will be fine regardless of how we were screwed over. If He is good then I want to be more like Him. If He believed forgiveness was the only way to get us back to Him- than it must be the solution and way to go. I trust Him; therefore, I know I will always be taken care of and that if he says forgive (even though my heart may hurt); I will forgive and give the bleeding heart to him. Jesus had so many punctures and wounds from us on the cross, but he was healed AND raised from the dead. If He promises to be with us when we trust Him and that He will give us His spirit, I am positive that He will heal our heart or wound caused from another.
I trust you with my whole heart Lord.
Want to read up on some verses for perspective?
We all should, so here is a few(out of the many):