If you can’t tell, I have been struggling to write lately. I am disappointed with how few blogs I have finished. I have a hard time not focusing on the negative and striving to fix myself. I have come to realize that when I am weak, I do not like to show it. Who does? I think as a culture we have been taught to mask it with something else like a relationship or great job, maybe a new great outfit or even a new style all together. But I am trying to sit and be raw so the Lord can pick out the thorns and heal what was wounded.
I am not sure I have really heard a lot of teaching on trying to purposely be in the season and not just striving to fix yourself, but I really feel like it is the Lord growing my roots deeper and letting me look inside to see my tree rings forming. If we were to cut down an old tree and look at its rings we would see different and unique patterns throughout the years. It’s in the difference of seasons we go through that our character is built and we are able to live more in the reality of who He created us to be.
I have always thought part of my life will be helping the one. The one who’s heart just hurts, the one who is often seen as nothing to others, or the one who sees themselves as worth nothing. The best way to relate to those who are in those hardships is to feel the pain they are going through. Jesus did not merely throw scripture at people and roll his eyes. He wept, He reached out His hand toward them, He joined with them in experiences and healing. Ultimately not only did He pay for the sins of the world, but He let Himself feel every pain and injustice any of us would ever experience. Jesus IS compassion. Jesus IS empathy. That means WE need to be those things so that others might see Him- so they might encounter His reckless, unconditional love.
The hard part is getting there. In a twisted way, I think the hard things I am walking through now have given me hope for the future. Because I have let Him walk with me through the shadows of the valley of death, I believe He can use me to help others who see themselves in similar situations. But it doesn’t mean it is easy. It means He is my strength when I am weak. It means facing my pride and false mindsets when I am in the closet curled into a ball. It means waking up when all I want to do is sleep and doing time with Him in the morning when I don’t feel spiritual because He is doing a good work in me since I am giving Him the time of day.
Maybe this doesn’t make sense to some of you. And that’s fine- enjoy your sun filled season. But I wanted there to be a place you could sit and think or be honest. How deep have you hid that hurt? It is still oozing into other parts of your life? For me, I don’t want to just bandage it up with philosophy or even scripture although they are good. I want to walk all the way through it- so I can never have this wound fester in the future. My Marriage and My Anxiety is not a joke, and it is not an easy battle- but I WILL stand on the other side and high five the Lord. Fill in that last sentence with whatever you’re going through and remember that even if you’re walking through the valley of the shadow of death, the Lord is walking with you the whole time. So grab His hand and He won’t let go.
I am aware I didn’t not use scripture this blog- if you have some you want to go along with this that comes to mind I’d love to hear!- Comment below. I pray you are brave enough to let the Lord be your light, empathy, and surgeon on broken things. Jesus heal us so we can be WHOLE like you intended.